The Little Things

10:30 PM

For the last two years, I’ve been slowly (very slowly) working on creating a scrapbook of my experiences in the mission field on The World Race.
By slowly, I mean I haven’t finished the first country yet.
Ouch.
Tonight, while working on that project, I pulled out my journal from that time period, and stumbled across a post I’d written for my blog that I’d never published.
Then I scanned through it.
And then wondered why I hadn’t done anything with it
Wondered futilely, by the way, because the logic behind not posting it is over five years old now.
So here it is tonight.

The Little Things
Should have been published in 01. New Zealand by Cat Pollock Not end of January 2010, but September 8, 2015

Yesterday was probably one of the roughest days so far on the World Race, because I got homesick. Homesick like I haven’t been since the first time I went to camp by myself and was miserable until my counselor let me call home and hear Mom’s voice so I could know everything was okay. Something about seeing families pack up and leave reminded me that I won’t be packing up to go home – not until November.

I think the snapping point came when Grace came around with her pen and pad of paper to collect email addresses so she could write. I didn’t actually lose it until the afternoon, when blogs were posted and I was lying on a couch in the café staring at the mountains and Emily came over to ask me how I was doing.

That was the moment I burst into tears. Because while I do understand that this is where God has called me to at this point, and everything that’s been sacrificed will be returned in far greater measures than I can imagine, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I know what’s been left behind for the sake of God’s Kingdom… and every day, I’m realizing the things that will come out of pursuing this are more than worth what I’ll have lost in the process.

Having some time to talk it out with Emily was good. We haven’t seen much of each other because we’ve been doing separate things here, so just having some time to not only talk, but pray, was huge.

And that was Little Thing #1.

Last night, for our nightly team meeting, we went off the campground to a grocery store, then the beach. When we got to the beach, Noe insisted on not letting us girls out of the van quite yet. He wanted to honor our hard work and service the last few days, and surprised us each with a bouquet of carnations.

While flowers don’t really do it for me very often, this time it felt amazing. On the heels of the post-dinner conversation Noe, Megan, Lauren, and I had about being on the race where he very clearly told us how strong we were, and how attractive our pursuit of the Lord was to a man of God, this little thing feels like affirmation. Like truth spoken in love.

Present day… now I think I remember why I didn’t post this sooner. Awkward convo topic, the way only Noe could introduce it.

Like life being breathed into us.

Because no matter how much I as a woman tell myself these things, there isn’t often backup. There isn’t usually a godly man stepping up to the plate to point out the lie that I’m different and different is the wrong way to be. I’ve been set apart, chosen by God, and choosing to walk in it often brings heartache… but the further I walk this path, the less I am inclined to settle for the lies, and the more I start to see God’s perfection in me. And that’s what makes me beautiful.

That was Little Thing #2, by the way.

I think what I'm learning (well, relearning, actually) is to embrace the little things because God will use them to bring us to some of the most beautiful and profound places. On this journey, those are things I don't want to miss.

Until next time,
Cat

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