[Five Minute Friday] Control

12:59 PM

(When I was surfing the net last night, I stumbled into this awesome blog link-up called Five Minute Friday. Every Thursday night, they post a one word writing prompt. At any time in the week between, you have five minutes to write whatever comes to mind, and when you're finished, you post it. No edits, no worries about grammar, punctuation, etc. Sounds right up my alley as I'm working to start posting again on a semi-regular basis. If you're interested in trying it out, just visit the site:

Five Minute Friday link

On to the actual post, shall we?) 

It's bubbling just underneath the surface, threatening to spill over. Go completely out of control.

The anger. The hurt. The feeling of being misunderstood.

It's killer. It's the trigger. If I'm not careful, it will come out and land on everyone else. I have to control it. I know what happens when I release it. I know how easy it is for me to hurt the people around me.

People I love. People who love me.

I've been reading this week about better ways to handle it. Not just control the weeping, screaming scared to the point of getting sick girl who still lurks in the shadows of my heart. That girl is in too much pain to process, and she can't get clear enough of it to see what her lashing out does to herself and everyone who knows her. She and I both need healing.

So today I'm starting that process for us. Training my thoughts to take a different automatic direction. Not letting myself sit in guilt over reactions other people have that I can't control. Speaking out, writing out the hurts and frustrations and clearing things out of my heart before they take root. Not trying to control the outcome. Just breaking a bad cycle before it gets any
more control of me. 


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4 comments

  1. "Training my thoughts" is so key. So hard too. But in the hard word of thought-training, freedom to live life to the full is found too.

    The first step to change is awareness. It sounds like you are already breaking the cycle.

    Glad to be your FMF neighbor.

    --Cheryl

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Cheryl! Training my thoughts is something I've been working on for awhile, and it truly is freeing.

      I'm glad to be your neighbor as well. :)

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  2. Here is Arizona as well and happy to be here at your FMF post. Right away I can say that I recognize the little girl. I have one too. It is easy to let her loose, but I am learning too about finding those new ways to respond.
    Dropping by from FMF as well. Have a good weekend.

    Kelly

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by, Kelly! So fantastic to stumble into someone else from these parts.

      Yeah, that little girl can be pesky, can't she? I'm so glad we don't have to let her be in control. I know my life would be a mess if I let her.

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