Skip to main content

[Five Minute Friday] Control

(When I was surfing the net last night, I stumbled into this awesome blog link-up called Five Minute Friday. Every Thursday night, they post a one word writing prompt. At any time in the week between, you have five minutes to write whatever comes to mind, and when you're finished, you post it. No edits, no worries about grammar, punctuation, etc. Sounds right up my alley as I'm working to start posting again on a semi-regular basis. If you're interested in trying it out, just visit the site:

Five Minute Friday link

On to the actual post, shall we?) 

It's bubbling just underneath the surface, threatening to spill over. Go completely out of control.

The anger. The hurt. The feeling of being misunderstood.

It's killer. It's the trigger. If I'm not careful, it will come out and land on everyone else. I have to control it. I know what happens when I release it. I know how easy it is for me to hurt the people around me.

People I love. People who love me.

I've been reading this week about better ways to handle it. Not just control the weeping, screaming scared to the point of getting sick girl who still lurks in the shadows of my heart. That girl is in too much pain to process, and she can't get clear enough of it to see what her lashing out does to herself and everyone who knows her. She and I both need healing.

So today I'm starting that process for us. Training my thoughts to take a different automatic direction. Not letting myself sit in guilt over reactions other people have that I can't control. Speaking out, writing out the hurts and frustrations and clearing things out of my heart before they take root. Not trying to control the outcome. Just breaking a bad cycle before it gets any
more control of me. 


Comments

  1. "Training my thoughts" is so key. So hard too. But in the hard word of thought-training, freedom to live life to the full is found too.

    The first step to change is awareness. It sounds like you are already breaking the cycle.

    Glad to be your FMF neighbor.

    --Cheryl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Cheryl! Training my thoughts is something I've been working on for awhile, and it truly is freeing.

      I'm glad to be your neighbor as well. :)

      Delete
  2. Here is Arizona as well and happy to be here at your FMF post. Right away I can say that I recognize the little girl. I have one too. It is easy to let her loose, but I am learning too about finding those new ways to respond.
    Dropping by from FMF as well. Have a good weekend.

    Kelly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by, Kelly! So fantastic to stumble into someone else from these parts.

      Yeah, that little girl can be pesky, can't she? I'm so glad we don't have to let her be in control. I know my life would be a mess if I let her.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Metaphors: Candles

I've recently fallen in love with candles. Since coming home from the World Race , I've bought at least one a month. My favorite candles are the ones that come in glass jars - because when they burn out, I can clean the remaining wax out and put the jars to other uses. Right now,  that means they get cleaned out and packed away in anticipation of my move to Flagstaff. But as I was lighting one tonight (vanilla spice... Thanksgiving smells? Yes, please!), I saw a metaphor for writing flickering away in the flame licking at the wick and melting the wax. I suppose it could be a metaphor for life in general, but since the theme of this blog is writing... Well, you do the math.

Summer 2020 Reading Round Up

Welcome back! To all my lovely fellow American friends reading this today, I hope you had a lovely holiday weekend (and stayed safe in the process). I had plans to start outlines for the next draft of a work-in-progress over the weekend, but I spent the entire time sleeping and watching YouTube instead. And I have no regrets. If there's one thing I've (re)learned in the last year or two, it's that you need to listen to your body when it tells you to slow down. The work will still be there when your body is ready to handle it.  At least one that hasn't changed in all the chaos is my love of reading. Here's what I've been reading over the last few months!  What I was able to read this summer Here is the magical list of things I was able to finish reading over the course of the summer. I was busy with work projects for a lot of the time, so it's not as robust of a list as I would have liked to compile. All of the reading I finished was fiction, so I've br

[Five Minute Friday] Purpose

Fiber bars, strewn along the side of the road. There had to be at least a dozen of them, still in their wrappers and completely unopened. No box in sight. Really? That's about the reaction my younger sister and I had when we stumbled on them on our early morning run. Really? along with disgusted sighs about the wastefulness of it. These were the expensive ones, not a generic store brand that kind of tastes and kind of looks the same sometimes. So, when we weren't keeping an eye out for their box, we speculated about what had happened. And wondered how many more we were going to see before the end of our run. "Maybe they took one bite and thought they were gross," my sister said. "So they threw them out because they didn't want them anymore." I let out one of those disgusted sighs and nodded along with her theory. "Yeah, or they got in a huge fight, and threw them out in a fit of rage." "That's a possibility." And